fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
