She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
