whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
