when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
