I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
