At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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