i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
