Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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