Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
