This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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