i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
