You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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