they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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