It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
