ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
