I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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