just come out here and I will go home with you...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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