twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
