Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
