Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
