I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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