I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
