Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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