I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
