Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
