i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize