I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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