I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
