I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
