i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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