i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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