I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My bed smells like the plague
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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