Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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