I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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