the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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