I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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