READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
