So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
