I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
