So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
