But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
