i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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