Christians are straight up FREAKS
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
