dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
