Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize