we have pet lesbian snakes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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