why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
