It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
