Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize