so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
