i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
