90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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