i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
