god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
