guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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