all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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