Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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