one two three fourrrrnication!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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