Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
