How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
