I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
