Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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