What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
