We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
