Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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