is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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