apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A bitchslap is in order.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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