i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
