i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
